Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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