I'm pants shitting drunk right now
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
