if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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