Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
