2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
