I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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