I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
