Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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