i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
