She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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