you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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