I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
