so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
