How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
