so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
