woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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