whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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