I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
