remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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