I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
