I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
