So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
