Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
