Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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