he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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