You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
