I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
