You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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