the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
