Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
