So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
