I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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