Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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