Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
