I wanna bring you to show and tell
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
