Well douche your snatch and let's go!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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