you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
