So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
