I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The adults are the big ones right?
He did a backflip because drugs
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
