new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
