oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
