I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
