shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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