He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
