my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
