Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Everyone says I win the strip club
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
