I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
