You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
