There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
