That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
