I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
