I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
