In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
